Why Hello There To All My Friends

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I have only found the deepest of loves once before now. It was with a gorl whom i met a t a wedding when i was like 7. Kelsey and I acted like we dispised each other. Well then about  7months later there was another wedding, we became more of friends, but still tried to avoid each other, i knew there was something about her, becasue i was always staring at her. Then a year and some months later there was another wedding. I was 9 and a half. She was actually part of the wedding, i was just there with my family that time, well we ended up dancing well... the night away. Then around 11 the after wedding party was calming down so we went out side, she was cold so i let her use my jacket, then we just sat there on a bench over by this beautiful lake. Well we ended up going out. We lived about and hour away from each other, but oh well, She ended up spending the night one night since we barely got to see each other, we slept in the living room , but that night was the night that i shared my true first kiss, not just ones youd get from a friend, but one of the ones you share when your truely in love. It was great. It lasted about 4 years. I mean we only saw each other maybe 1 every few months but we were always talking on the phone, untill... 6 months before i moved to here. I tried calling and no one answerd. Well then about 1 week after i moved in to my house out here, my parents went back to washington for another wedding, well guess what i found out. Kelsey had been saying all kinds of sit behind my back at her school, ya so thats the story of my first true love.

But now my sich is that i have waited a year and a half, for this girl, i have given so much to just try to see her. I even had the chance to ask her out but i decided not to, becasue she was in 8th grade and i was in ninth, i didnt want to have to see her suffer, form not being able to see me. So then a day before school (well you know what happende) moving on, well ever since school started she will kiss me and hug me and all this stuff, but it hurts me, I mean if your going to do this why not actually give me the chance. So you know what? I am not waiting any more, i am moving on. Unless you can show me other wise, i Can NOt go on hoping. I cant. I mean i will still be ther for you, but i am not going to go out of my way to just see you. I mean i never could just leave you. if you needed me, then i would be right there, but i cant go on like this.

I love you Alexis, but all this just hurts me to much, i sit there awake in my bed at night, thinking, when can my chance come, why does all this happen, and why cant i just see you more. I dream of you being by my side through and through, but its not going to happen....

I'm giving up, i'm giving up slowly. I'm blending in so you wont even kow me.

I love you, I hate you. I can't live without you.

If I go crazy will you still call me super man? If i'm alive and well will you be there holding my hand?

If you asked me how i'm doin, I'd say just fine, but the truth is baby, if you could read my mind. Not a day goes by, that i dont think of you. After all this time, your still with me its true, but some how you remain, locked so deep inside.

Well Im in a bad sich... Let me start from the begining....

*last Halloween* I was dressed as a  gothic/punk/gangmember/dude. I went over to Korne's house becasue me Korne, Chris (Korne's BoyFriend at the time), and Alexis, well im not going to get into to much detail about what happened, but ever since then i have been, well i have to be honest, i have been in love with Alexis. But sadly she was taken. As time went on, Alexis and her Boyfriend Devon broke up, there i was, i had the chance, but did i take it. NO.  Soon after i found out that She was back with Devon. Ya ya i know same old story.

*day before school started* I get a call, it was Alexis, Devon broke up with her, I was extatic, but i was also very sad for her. Well that next day, Yesterday to be exact, Was amazing, Turns out I get to see Alexis everyday. But even better, I Actually got to conect my lips with hers. After that my day was perfect.

*Today* well i am torn between some things, I Love Alexis, and yes i understand the fact that she wants to be single for a while, but i cant go on like this. now that she is single, i can do a lot with her, i can kiss her, and see her, but i cant actually hold her. I mean i have waited all this time, to actually be able to hold her in a neverending embrace, but, I cant go on hopeing. Its not the same.